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Soozen's Stitches

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Define Friend and Friendship
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I'm currently really exasperated. My dad and I have constantly having quibbles and quarrels about what the word "friend" means. It basically started when I wanted to go to a friends house but he wouldn't let me. Knowing him, I knew that he would say that but honestly, he didn't have to continue on mentioning that friends are people who help you. Well, hmm... that didn't really sound what I wanted it to sound so maybe I'll just elaborate what he thinks the word "friend" is.

My dad thinks that you can be called a friend if you are there for each other. It doesn't matter how long you don't see each other, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1year, 5 years, 10 years, just as long as you're willing to help out, you're a friend. So here is the scenario. We were running together and I'm like "Dad, how come you don't hang out with people your age a lot? You just stay home and stare at your computer. The only person you're ever with is me. How come you don't go out and make friends or hang out with your friends?" He responds by saying, "I have a lot of friends. I don't need to hang out in order to have friends. A true friend is a person that can help you when you are in a need of help and they are willing to help you. So what if you guys have some lunch together and talk about pointless things. When you call them out for help and they don't help, can you still consider them a friend? They just want to use you but when you use them, they don't help at all. A true friend is a person that generously helps you when you need them. (*bad grammar, i know*)." Do you agree with that? I totally agree with it. I mean, that truly is who friends are. They help you when you need help, but looking at my dad. I have to say he is a hypocrite. This is where my argument comes in.

That is what my dad says, but when I look at him, I ask myself [to him], "So you only consider people who help you friends. Well, are you a good friend yourself? Do you go out and help people like a "friend" should? (theanswerisno) If you don't do it, why should other people help you? You're always on your computer. What good does that do? You're not out there expressing yourself; how do people help you?" (Do you see what I'm trying to say?) When I look at friendship, I try to be a person who indeed tries to help you. If you need someone to talk to, I will listen and try to give out my advice [if possible]. If you need an opinion or a word of encouragement, I'll do my best to try to make you more cheerful. Yes, I believe that a friend is a person who helps other people in need. But you can't just depend on others to help you; you have to start with yourself. I, myself, try to be a good friend. I'm willing to help others however possible. If you want me to do something for you, I will not rest until I accomplish the task. If you need something that I have, I'll lend/give/letyouborrow it. I believe that if you want friends, you have to be a good "friend" yourself. Don't count on others to please you. Don't depend on other people to let you be happy because you are the only person that can create your own happiness.

Also, I disagree with my dad on one thing. He says that if the other person does not help you, that person is not your friend. I totally disagree with that. If that person doesn't help you, still, be his/her friend. I, personally, don't believe in "enemies." I wish that everyone can have a healthy relationship. I think that even thought that person may not help you, if you just return a little favor, that person will see a light and your kindness to him/her, and eventually, may return the favor. Ok, sure, I don't look like a person that helps out or be a true friend, but really, I am, or at least I try. I may not have accomplished my goal in being a true friend though. There is so much more out there. There are so many people who need help, and I want to give them my best by helping them through their misery and trying to find their happiness.

Oh and let me just say, I have feelings. When a "friend" says something hurtful or acts ignorant toward me, my feelings will be injured and sometimes, I may feel a little crack in my heart (yes, i have a heart, omg...). So to cover up that pain, I might say something hurtful in return but honestly, I don't feel that way. I forget what it's called. Self-conscience? Denial? UGH! i don't remember. But anyway, I have this mindset where I want to insult you back, but I restrain it. I try to be positive about it but you know that sometimes words come out of your mouth before you can stop it. So yeah. I'm sorry if that ever happened to somebody I know and did to.

Oh and they're a some people that I don't want to be friends with, but maybe that will be another post someday.

So, what's a friend to you?
 


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The part about wanting to insult someone back is called retribution. xD

I pretty much agree with what your idea of a friend is. Your dad might have just been being bitter about it, skewing the definition into something more versatile for himself. Although it hardly constitutes true friendship, you sometimes have to be more mature than the other person and do as you do, restrain yourself from sinking to their level. In that case, I'm sorry to say I don't think they're really a true friend [at that particular moment, anyway]; I think friends should be completely open with each other, and not take offense, because friends should not only help one another, but want what's best for each other too. Ja.

hahaah woooow. that sounded soo smart. lol and yes, i agree. :) thank you kevin :D

aww susan you have a beautiful heart
i think you are a great friend~ :) but then again i do not think i may judge in this area, b/c we rn't like really close fds but i think tennis and orchestra was a good run :3
it's good that u can contrast&do things4the better regardless of what ur dad says but rather for ur love in ur friends :3
i'm thinking your dad may have a bad experience or past to make him see this way & i think in the end he's there to look out 4 u, so maybe the thing tht happen won't happen to u. but i don't want to assume anything but it's like a guess maybe..?
mm yep i think there times were everyone is guilty of hurtful sayings or acts and/or not helping others when they have the ability to, but i think it is like the true heart and intention tht is counted right?
i'm sorry if i have ever done anything, i wouldn't truly mean a harmful thing.
mm that's a good point to ponder tho, i think a friend to me is top priority w/family. i think fds r a notch more but i'm kinda guilty of tht since my fam says family first all the time :x
mm but i think fds r juss there 4 u like ur family but just family who's not related to u. :) mm sth like that i might make a biter post XD to elaborate when i remember XD

wow katherine. you are rite! my dad did somewhat have a bad past where everyone looked down on him. Hmmm, maybe this is the reason why he depends on himself more than other people. Well, yeah.. haha NICE! I didn't even look at it that way. thanks!! :33

thank you katherine. you are the awesomest!!! <33 arigato!! :D

hehe~ aww *hugs* i'm sure you have a great dad :) cuz ur nice & stuffz :3 hehe~ doitashimashite~<3

very deep.. i don't necessarily think a friend is just someone that helps you.. there is more to friendship than that. I think of it more like a friend is someone you get along with, someone that makes you happy. so in a sense my friends do help me because they make me happy, so I choose to hang around them. yeah..

lol i agree! i sometimes feel like my dad is so conceited. he only thinks of himself. but i still <3 him.. i guess i'll just live with it.

thanks edward!

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